Currently browsing tag

ptsd

Feeling more like home

My anxiety level had been going up slowly for about a month before this trip to New York. Every year around this time as September 11 approaches, it’s the same occurrence. It hit a high last week. Something in my Brooklyn apartment triggered what felt like something that could have …

Progress with EMDR

The “key stone” moment that sent me into the oblivion of PTSD happened while hearing the president of Fuji Bank name all twelve of his employees who were lost in the World Trade Center disaster. Incredibly, now as I type this, my eyes are dry. It used to be that …

Negative EMDR Affects

March 30, 2015 Last night I had a 9-11 dream. It was 2001. I had a list in front of me that looked a lot like XML, which is what I work with now. The lines were mostly red with a few in black here and there. I don’t remember …

Grief Relived

Today I went to therapy and Eamonn administered EMDR for the second time. We went through all seven steps for working on one set of related situations. The set included seeing a TSA officer checking IDs and plane tickets, which has been a trigger, and being on the phone answering …

Memory Failure

Lately, I’ve been having problems with my memory. There are two unfinished drafts in my WordPress dashboard. Both were started with great ideas, and both lost their way. Whatever the ideas were when the posts were started were quickly forgotten within a couple hundred words. I don’t write as eloquently …

Concentration

Unless you have ADHD or PTSD, it can be easy to take our ability to concentrate for granted. My ability to concentrate reached an all-time low this year. It got to a point where the only time I was able to keep focused was while riding my motorcycle. As if …

I am not infra dig

May 7, 2013 Today is definitely better than yesterday. Though it still takes more time to do things, I feel more resolute than yesterday. I gave my Ninja Jessie a wash on the street, took my dog Penny for a walk, prepared a tri tip steak in the slow cooker, …

Salt Pepper Olive Oil

May 6, 2013 There are tough days and tougher days. On tough days, my mind has trouble concentrating, but I can get on my motorcycle and all of the sudden have the ability to focus. Today was one of the tougher days. Every day I hope to accomplish something especially …

Beginnings

A long time ago I learned that it’s pointless to read the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders to try to figure out if you have a disorder. Anyone can read a list of mental symptoms and say, “This is me!” What makes the list count is when symptoms …

A Beautiful Day

It’s a perfect day for riding. Temperatures in the high-70s, low-80s. The humidity is low, the sun is bright, and there are no clouds in the sky. But I did’t want to ride today. They say that PTSD gets worse before it gets better. Since arriving in San Francisco, I …