Two Weeks After The Nightmare; and An Unemployment Test

Finally feeling better after my death nightmare. My mind is still a bit foggy, but I feel confident enough to work; an office job, that is. Our Messed Up Employment System The US Labor Department is antiquated. It’s still geared toward physical labor, not toward white-collar work. This is evidenced in the questions …

Regressions

Dr. Zng taught me that PTSD patients may regress to behaviors that reflect childhood experiences. My grocery shopping hardships reflect how during my childhood my mother made most of the decisions. I was not allowed to make decisions on my own. For example, I wanted to play cello, but my …

Nightmares and Unemployment

The floor disappeared from under my feet. I saw red and knew immediately that I was going to die. My body fell in terror and died instantly. The next moment, fully conscious in my dream, I thought, “Finally!” I was happy to be dead and excited for the next phase. …

Motorcycle Battery Sizes

While unemployed, I’ve been trying to make the most of my time. I’ve had a motorcycle sitting in storage for the last six months, no thanks to my job leaving me uninspired to work on it. But now that I’ve got a brighter fire with my nonprofit Care For Us project, …

Hoarding

This week I learned that hoarding is a common activity of PTSD patients. I learned this from my new therapist, Dr. Zng, at the World Trade Center Health Program in New York City. I don’t know Dr. Zng’s first name. She is the first therapist I’ve ever had whose first …

Life Improves with an Idea for a Non-Profit

With PTSD symptoms disappearing or being less frequent, I began to enjoy everyday activities again. Unfortunately, enjoying life more also made me less appreciative of my job. A manager at the company could see I was no longer happy there, and since they were making budget cuts, they let me …

Sound Waves and The Brain

Recently I discovered the cause of my inability to shop for groceries like a normal human being. It is not an emotional trigger, which is why numerous attempts at emotional self-regulation going into grocery stores failed. Rather, it is a sound frequency seemingly created by either refrigerator compressors, air conditioning …

Ignore the Stigma of PTSD

Sometimes I can see doubt come over people when I tell them I have PTSD. Perhaps they have images of people lashing out with guns, heads hung low in depression, or faces in shock (dissociation). While these images are examples of some cases, this is not how life with PTSD …

Blankness

Recently I returned to the New York City World Trade Center Health Program after a dismal experience with the national 9/11 program. Everyone at the program in NYC made re-enrollment a breeze, in spite of the program now being overseen on the federal level. During my intake appointment for psychological …

Service Dogs Rock (Some People Suck)

Sometimes I think my dog is super smart. Last night, I had trouble falling asleep. Usually, I call her and she puts her head on my arm and I fall asleep. Last night she just came over on her own and put her head on my arm until I got …