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June 2015

Motorcycle Appreciation

Over the past year, I’ve taken my motorcycle for granted. After minor fishtail on the freeway (though not so minor in cost having been a responsible citizen and paid for the damage to the limousine though I could have easily have ridden off and committed a crime), my best friend …

Anxiety Symptom?!

So, my scalp has been really itchy lately with embarrassing snow falling off my head. I googled “natural dry scalp remedies” and found this page: Top 10 Home Remedies for Itchy Scalp. The second line says, “Some of the most common causes are dandruff, dry scalp, sebaceous cysts, excessive anxiety…” …

Sensory Emotional Regulation Working

After a hard day yesterday, I visited my TIPI mentor, Cedric. He advised me to work on the phone call trigger. I didn’t think I could relive that moment. I don’t remember what the caller said. I only remember starting to cry and having a hard time saying anything. So …

Back on Gabapentin

Effective TIPI, or sensory emotional regulation, requires an emotional response to a trigger to regulate properly. But with trauma, the response is too strong for the process to be effective. During practice one must be able to take attention away from the emotion and put it on physical sensations. For …

Catecholamines?

I wish I had a way to measure my hormone levels. I don’t feel myself. I’ve sobbed twice today. My mind is in a fog. My sight narrows in on what’s in front of me, and everything else is a blur. I didn’t eat much. But I did work on …

Alleviating Depression

Three posts in three days = struggling a lot. Having trouble concentrating at work. My thoughts keep turning toward some difficult events: losing my beloved friend who helped me after 9/11 to injuries from a car accident, having a miscarriage, and then learning about a potential co-parent’s desire for an …

Hypervigilant controlled outburst

Of everything I wrote about yesterday, what I’ve been most cautious of is the moment someone would piss me off enough that I would blow up. That happened. Except instead of a rash yelling, I thought for a few minutes of the words to use that wouldn’t make the jerk …

Down on the PTSD Rollercoaster

May 24, 2015 It’s a little more than 3 weeks since the WTC Victim’s Compensation Fund called. Sadly, my symptoms are clearly present, though not nearly as bad as they have been, meaning I can manage. But it still sucks. I have mild depression. Unless I’m meeting my best friend …